you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Gay?
German.
Pity.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
