Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
