Who did Billy Mays play for?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
