College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
