she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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