so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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