I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
