ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
