I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
