my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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