our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
