Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
