This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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