youre lurking in front of me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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