First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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