Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
