someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
