I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
