I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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