my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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