some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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