is your mom at the bar?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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