My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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