what if every blade of grass was a penis?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
