clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
