Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
