Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
