Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
