"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..