so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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