This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?