remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.