I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?