my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.