waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual