I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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