READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
