I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
