So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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