omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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