Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
