And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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