physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
