Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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