Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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