So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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