I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
