she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
