i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
