im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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