so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
