Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
