Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
