Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
