$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
