well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
