spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
