Do you still have your period?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
