btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
