Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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