I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
