Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
