Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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