I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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