apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
