We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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