:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
