Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
