Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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