i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
