the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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