An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
